There has been so much on my mind this past year, but especially this past month. So many changes ahead of us! A few weeks ago Eric was offered a job up in the mountains in Payson, Arizona. So we are relocating in the Spring next year. I am so excited about the move, but also sad about what we will leave behind. I have so much to say about it all but it will have to wait until my next blog post because first and foremost I can’t get off my mind the fact that I only have a few weeks left with just my firstborn son! My sweet, precious baby, Gavin!
Call it pregnancy hormones or just sappy motherly love but, I have shed many tears these past few months thinking about the fact that I only have so much time left with just the two of us. I keep thinking about all the things I want to do with him still - and mourning the things we didn’t get to! I wanted to take him to the beach this summer - that didn’t happen. I wanted to take him to Disneyland, to Legoland, etc... It’s hard not to get sucked into the “woulda/coulda/shoulda” of life. But I have to remind myself that just because we didn’t do some of those things this past year doesn’t mean we won’t ever get to do them together! And it doesn’t mean we didn’t do lots of fun amazing OTHER things. So instead of dwindling on all of that I am soaking up every precious little moment we still have before I’m entrenched in newborn care. I don’t ever want to forget this time of my life! It will never be the same again! And these are the best of times! Even the chaos - I find it all so special and beautiful. I know a big part of why I haven’t been blogging is because I’ve just been way too immersed in motherhood (and let’s be real here - way too tired from pregnancy!).
I worry Gavin will have a hard time adjusting to sharing his parents with his little brother. But he’s such a sweet, loving boy I have high hopes he’ll take on his “Big Brother” roll like a total champ. He’s such a happy, easy-going kid. Whenever I start to feel guilty that my attention will be divided I remind myself that I am giving him the most precious gift I could give him - a brother! I grew up with 5 siblings and they all made my childhood absolutely priceless. And because of all the great memories I shared with my siblings growing up, I’ve always known I want to have at least 3 kids so they hopefully can enjoy each other the way I enjoyed my siblings growing up. So even if at first Gavin isn’t a fan of sharing mommy and daddy, I know that one day he and his brother will be thick as thieves and causing mischief together like I did with my brothers. That’s what childhood is all about!
I have been doing everything I can think of to prepare Gavin for his little brother’s arrival but I think he’s just too young to understand - and that’s ok. We talk all the time about his baby brother in mommy’s tummy and how exciting it’s going to be to have a baby brother, etc. He just blinks at me then talks about something else or runs off to play without a word of response. Haha - at least I can say I tried! We’ll see how it all goes. My mom said none of her children were jealous of each other when a new one was born so that’s comforting to hear. I am crossing my fingers over here! (And bawling my eyes out thinking about the upcoming changes!).
I remember feeling the same sentiments about my marriage before Gavin was born. I remember crying to Eric as we approached our due date: “It will never be just us two ever again! I don’t ever want to let this stage of our life go but at the same time I’m so excited for us to have our baby!” Well here I am again... not wanting to let go of what IS, but super excited for what will be. Now that I am a mom I can’t imagine my life any other way. I love seeing Eric as a dad and I just love our little family. I am sure I will come to the same realization after baby boy #2 is here. It will all be an adjustment, sure, but some day we’ll all look back and it will be hard to imagine our life before 2 little boys stole our hearts and made us better people.